Last train to Bombay

I love showing people around the cities I’ve lived in… so when a friend of mine told me he was stopping in Bombay for 3 days, en route to Finland (via London (passing through Hong Kong (with a short break in…))), I jumped at the opportunity to blog. So here goes, Neil...

August in Bombay is going to be wet. Very wet. If you’re spending time just walking around and getting the feel of the city, my advice is: don’t wear your good shoes / clothes, take extra care of your expensive cameras/cell phones, know that you’re going to get drenched and, enjoy yourself!

South Bombay is the commercial and cultural heart of the city. You could easily spend at least a couple of days here, depending on what you like to do. I’d start off at Victoria Terminus, one of the cities biggest and busies train terminuses. The fascinating bit is that VT - besides being a crazy jostling, throbbing, cursing hub of human activity – is also a World Heritage Building. It’s not surprising to see why. It’s my favourite building in the city for the simple reason that every time I stop to look, I see something I haven’t seen before (the last time a friend pointed out peacock motifs I’d never noticed). They also have guided walks or tours through the building but they’re few and far between. I haven’t been on one, but you could ask around if your agent’s connected. Across the road from VT is the BMC (Bombay Municipal Corporation) building, which is also pretty neat.

Warning: As with the city’s name itself, most of these buildings/places have been renamed. For instance, VT is now called CST (named after Chhatrapati Shivaji, a local historical figure) and the BMC is still the BMC but now stands for the Brihan Mumbai (Greater Mumbai) Municipal Corporation.

One thing you must do is take a ride on the local trains!!! It’s usually good if you have a local with you… depends on how adventurous you’re feeling! Buy a ticket at VT and travel for a couple of stations against the crowd (which would be away from VT in the morning) and then come back. If you time it right, you might also see Bombay’s famous dabbawallahs! {Also, you must ride an autorickshaw!!! You’re not going to find these in the city but if you happen to be in the suburbs and see one, flag him down.}

Moving along… A 5 minute cab ride away is Flora Fountain. From here, I’d recommend walking along D.N. Road to the Kala Ghoda area. D.N. Road’s always entertaining cause it’s choc-a-bloc with street-side vendors selling everything from clothes and souvenir-type trinkets, to pirated copies of books that have barely been released to dildos (yes, your eyes deceive you not – dildos). NOT that I believe you need any of these items. I just write it like it is, man. Most of D.N. Road’s sheltered, so that should make matters a little easier. Along the way, keep an eye out for some pretty neat architecture in the Standard Chartered Bank, Elphinstone College, etc.

(A short, but necessary, detour away, is the Bombay University building near Oval Maidan. If there’s the smallest of breaks in the weather, you’ll find a minimum of 10 simultaneous games of cricket on at the Oval)

Kala Ghoda is Bombay’s art district. Stop by at the Jehangir Art Gallery; the National Gallery of Modern Art and the Max Meuller Gallery are in the vicinity. If you’re so inclined you could get your name carved on a grain of rice by the side of the road. Or do something more normal and pick up some art on a leaf or something. This is a decent spot for a good lunch break: eat at the ever-reliable Khyber or, Trishna (for seafood, but if you’re up for a great fish meal I’d recommend Mahesh Lunch Home or Bharat / Excellensea… they’re not too far away).

After, walk down to the Prince of Wales Museum (now called the Chhatrapati Shivaji Museum). Spend as much time as you like before walking towards Regal at Colaba Causeway. Regal’s one of the city’s oldest cinemas; it’s not a modern-day multiplex but a theatre-style, old-fashioned arena. I recommend getting balcony tickets to watch a Bollywood flick (you’ve gotta, surely!). It won’t be subtitled, but I reckon you’ll get the hang of things. You may not want to watch the whole 3-hour extravaganza… at worst, you’ll get yourselves 30 minutes of air-conditioned comfort, out of the rain, with popcorn. The Causeway strip’s a fun place to shop around for “Indian” stuff. Know that you have to bargain with great flair and drama!

Still in Causeway, Café Mondegar is a Bombay institution. You MUST have a beer on me, over there. And it must be a Kingfisher. The jukebox, constant chatter and the zany cartoons… *sigh*, I miss Mondy’s. L

5 minutes away from Causeway is the Gateway of India. It’s a great place for people watching. Saunter over to the Taj Mahal Hotel and walk into the old section of the hotel. It’s gorgeous and offers a glimpse of why the top-notch Indian 5-star hotels rate amongst the best hotels in the world.

From here, take a short ride to marine drive and sit on the promenade to feel the full force of the monsoons… always a fantastic experience. Marine drive… all the way up to Nariman Point… is what predominantly makes up the Bombay skyline. Don’t miss out on the roasted corn on the cob while you’re at it. The dome bar at hotel Marine Plaza is one of the best spots in the city to catch the sunset… though I think they shut this outdoor restaurant down for the rainy season. Chowpatty beach is a must-visit as well… on a good day it should be a riot of colour and activity. There’s a great fine dining restaurant here called the Salt Water Grill. It overlooks the sea and is a bit of a pricy thing; I haven’t been here myself though.

Drive up to Walkeshwar for a photo-op: you can see Bombay’s famous Queen’s necklace (the marine drive belt, “studded” with lights) before returning back to the city. You can drive back by the Parsi tower of silence.

Other places to eat at while in the city: Koyla is a cool restaurant for Indian cuisine, it’s atop a terrace and has views of the harbour. Café Leopold offers European type fare and is generally full of tourists. Theobrama is across the road and has fabulous (non-Indian) desserts. Bade Miya is another Bombay institution: hidden away behind the Taj Mahal Hotel, this little streetside eatery has some pretty decent kebabs, rolls etc.

You could also do a short boat ride to the Elephanta caves… but remember that the caves close by 5, so leave plenty of time to get there, look around for an hour and then get back. I might recommend it if you had more time in the city and if it was in better weather. In your circumstances, it’s likely to be more trouble than it’s worth.

There are other things to see around the city, depending on what you like and how much time you have. Though I haven’t been there ever, Gandhi’s Bombay abode - Mani Bhavan sounds interesting according to Lonely Planet, dhobhi ghaat – the municipal washing place is quite a sight to behold, there’s the National Center for the Performing Arts where you might catch a good play or a concert, visit the Bombay Store for good-quality souvenirs, take a ride on a Victoria (carriage-drawn horse) along Marine Drive, drop in at the Afghan church, check out the revolving restaurant atop the hotel Ambassador and so on.

Most of the above should more than fill up one day. For the remainder of your stay in Bombay, you have two options:

a) if you want to experience more of the city – venture to some of the suburbs. Bandra and Juhu are two that have quite a buzz about them. If you’ve missed Chowpatti, you could go to the beach at Juhu, which has more of the same kind of activity around it. Linking Road in Bandra is a great place to shop. See if someone can drive you to the Fab India store (it’s one of my favourites; great cotton kurtas). If you’re going to try Bhel Puri, you’d have to try it near Elco Arcade in Bandra. Walk over to Carter Road and take a stroll along the promenade. During the day, you could conceivably go to Film City and see if you can get one of those guided tours on a Bollywood set, though it seems a bit pricey for my liking.

b) if you’re looking for a break, drive up to one of the hillstations about 2 or 3 hours outside the city. Matheran is my personal favourite but Mahableshwar / Panchgani / Lonavala are all fine. This is a great time to go up there, cause it’s up the mountains which will be splendid in the monsoons. Be sure to get yourselves a comfortable hotel and see if there’s someone that can show you around to the different “points”. Preferably pick a week day to do this as the crowds can get maddening on weekends. Beware of monkeys.

What to eat:

Must: Kulfi (Indian icecream), mangoes (though they will probably be out of season by August), a biryani (it’s not very Bombay, but I haven’t been able to find a good biryani outside of India)

Feeling bold: Bhel Puri (a street side snack), Vada Pav (a Bombay special; again a streetside snack), Bombay Duck (a boneless fish, crisply fried), a “Frankie” – a spicy wrap.

The Giant Wheel

I was walking to work a couple of days ago and took a detour - two decades back in time. Staring right back at me as I walked through Darling Harbour (no less), was a "Giant Wheel"!!! OK, so it wasn't anything like the rickety, diesel-fuming, gaudy-fluorescent-lit deathtraps of my childhood. The carriages were completely enclosed in glass, there weren't any non-queues and they probably call it a "ferris wheel" or something as boring. But still! I felt the unmistakable yank of nostalgia and spent the next 15 minutes miles away from Sydney.

I actually remember my very first Giant Wheel ride. Which is surprising cause I must have been like 4. I went with two of my mum's students - Debbie and Fleur, I think - and was definitely not enjoying it. I remember being bundled up in my red winter jacket feeling sick. And the girls trying to distract me by telling me to look at the moon and different distant buildings that were all "Uncle Manuel's house".

Within a year or two though, I couldn't be dragged away from the monstrous wheel. Au contraire, I'd be right there yelling at the "giant wheel wallahs" to step on it! Folks figured out ingenious ways to entertain themselves on the wheel - throwing shredded pieces of newspaper when the wheel was in full flight, for instance. The wheel wasn't devoid of controversy either. Every once in a while you'd hear of some random couple copping a feel, sampling some tongue at the zenith of the ride the previous night. The best days were when you'd get ready to disembark at the end of the ride... and one "uncle" (usually someone in the fete organising committee) would have a word with the giant wheel wallahs and get us a second spin.

Ah, cheap thrills. The fete's no more, the giant wheels are rare... all that's left are the memories.

The Legend of the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel

Over a lazy Sunday breakfast, Ramesh and I got around to talking about our Bombay lives. He mentioned that he used to work at the Taj (Apollo Bunder, Bombay) in their Sales Dept. My interest perked and I brought up one of my favourite Bombay stories - the one about the construction of the Taj hotel. I only heard it for the first time about a couple of years ago and remember putting out an email asking a few friends if they knew if it was real or not. Thanks to gmail, I actually managed to dig that email up. I now present (complete with original bad English & punctuation that would make my Ms. Annie Tixeira - my fourth std teacher - screech!)... the Legend of the Taj:

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The architect of the old Taj hotel (Gateway) was all set to make his mark with this, his first, major construction. He was based in London and drew up the beautiful plan for the building. For some reason he had to direct operations from London and couldn't oversee construction in Bombay. He kept getting the bestest feedback from the constructors and others who were keeping tabs on things. When the hotel was finished, he came down to check his creation out - and to his horror, learned that it had been built backside-front! The lobby and main reception, which he'd designed to face the sea, faced inward! Distraught, he jumped from one of the balconies of the hotel into the courtyard and killed himself.

I've never heard this story before - one of my friends (who isn't even from Bombay) just narrated it to me and i'm looking for confirmation!!! How much of this is fact and how much
urban legend?

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Vikram and Salil, two of my Bombay-learned friends were split on whether it was true or not. They'd both separately checked with the Taj and had gotten different answers. Ramesh said they actually had an induction session when he joined the Taj and the story was part of the induction. They insisted it was true and part of the hotel's history. Wikipedia categorically tags it as an old yarn. And then goes on to suggest that 'this was probably a deliberate snub to the English king by Jameshedji Tata due to nationalist feelings'.

What do I think? True or not, it's one helluva story!

WTF is Nahur???

I had a weird experience a couple of nights ago. I was travelling by train to drop a friend off at Mulund. I was in the general compartment and was ticking the stations off.. Ghatkopar, Vikhroli, Kanjur, Bhandup.. and then I got off. To find myself on a strange, kinda bare platform. Looking around I asked someone if this was Mulund and he looked at me and told me it wasn't. It was 'Nahur'. I got back on to the train, wondering if a whole goddamned station had just come out of nowhere (and I mean "nowhere"!). When I got off, my friend gave me a hard time insisting that the station had been there all along... before finally letting me in on the fact that it had only come up less than a month ago.

So, in case you cared, Nahur is between Mulund & Bhandup, cost 2.5 crore to build and caters to more than 2.35 lakh commuters (wow).

Crappy image... we'll just have to take Google's word that it's Nahur.

"Cheers"

If you're looking for a cheap-daaru night with a bunch of old friends in Bombay, I have two words for you - Shetty bar!

In my mind, I classify drinking places by how no-nonsense they can get. So on the one hand, there's the "ambience places" that you drop in to listen to decent music and share space with a upmarketish crowd, all the while paying upwards of 250-300 bucks for 60 ml (reportedly) of alcohol. At the other end of the scale would be places like the notorious Standing Bars of Goa. I was only recently educated about these places... so no-nonsense that the patrons (usually daily-wage labourers) only stop by for a quick shot of the local brew. You expect neither food nor conversation and - on an average - end up spending less than 5 minutes there (hey, there's wife-beating to be done, remember?).

A Shetty bar sits comfortably in between these two extremes. Let me explain with this weekend's experience at Two Star, Kalina. The place is obviously quite popular among the locals, cause even at 8:30 we cannot get a table to ourselves in the AC section. But that, you'll quickly learn, is not a problem in a Shetty bar! The smiling waiter leads us to a table where there's this one sombre-looking guy sitting by himself and tells us to sit down. We're caught a little off-guard, but are chastised ("saab, Saturday night hai!") and then reassured ("arre, woh sirf ek-peg-wallah hai"). We aren't expected to chat our new friend up... hell, we even get our own snack bowls... no need to share! But fortunately, the table next to us is paying up. The three men there are well and truly in their cups! As they get up to leave, one of them looks at me very cross-eyed, shakes his head and offering what I'm sure he thinks is a smile says "Good night, saar". I can't help beaming back and saying "Good night".

Now we have our own table. In a Shetty bar, you are not restricted to ordering your alcohol by the peg. You can get your very own quarter... even a whole bottle if you're really in the mood. One of the hallmarks of a Shetty bar: the chakna flows like nobody's business - chakli, potato wafers and of course salted peanuts. The service is excellent even on a visibly busy day, with your waiter only a holler away. The food menu is ample as is the quantity of each dish. You stuff your face with appetizers, never failing to order the very Shetty Chicken 65 - a fusion Chinese starter with a South Indian touch. There's also usually a house favourite. Like the Cheese Masala - blobs of processed cheese in your all-purpose moghulai gravy - at Janata (I'm not sure if it's Shetty-run, but it sure is built along similar lines).

There's also usually some drunken excitement to be had. Last night, for instance, there was the bizarre site of this 11 or 12 yr old boy drinking beer with his 30-something friend. They were the topic of conversation at at least one table other than ours. After a while, this one drunk guy walks over and takes a seat at the kid's table to have a word with the man... and an argument breaks out! We secretly rejoice and watch with glee. A few fuck-offs and MCs later, the waiters wade in and break it up.

By the end of the evening you've had about 5 drinks, run through a yard of chicken and watched a good old-fashioned scrap... all for about the price of a couple of drinks at one of them fancy places. And that's why I raise my glass to Alpha and Anil Lunch Home, Two Star and Niranjan! More power to the Shetties! *clink*

Post Script to the kitten story

We returned from our week-long Goa holiday to the heart-wrenching news that all three of MadCat's kittens had died. Apparently, the mother refused to nurse her babies. My neighbours tried valiantly to feed them milk from an ink-dropper, off soaked pieces of bread etc.. but it was all in vain.

RIP

A very 'Bombay' moment.

The feline simply named "MadCat" had been driving the residents of Crimson Glory's "B" Block crazy for a good 3-4 weeks. When she wasn't mewing her nipples off, she was stealthily trying to creep into our houses... hiding under our sofas and stealing up for a quick rub against our ankles.
As it turned out, MadCat was well and truly pregnant. She littered somewhere at the start of this month... and all of a sudden there was plenty of pussy to go around. Ok, I just had to make a pussy joke; sorry, I said! Right, so MadCat gave birth to three adorable little kittens one afternoon. Naturally all was forgiven and the wise men from "B" Block came forth with gifts of milk, fish and water-soaked bread. Not quite the nativity scene, but heart-warming in its own way. A rug was spread out, which MadCat - true to form - ignored... choosing to plop right in front of the door to B-8.

The next morning though, the kittens were missing. MadCat was running frantically up and down the staircase, miao-ing away in desperation! Word quickly spread and soon the whole Block was in an uproar!!! Aunty I from B-7 rather guiltily admitted to asking the kachra-waali to keep the kittens near the terrace entrance so that they wouldn't get stepped on. The popular theory was that the crows might have gotten their claws on them! By now, half the residents were mobilised. One of the third floor boys scoured the terrace .. searching even atop the water tanks (go figure!). Another quickly circled the building, peeking into bushes. The Kachra-waali was given the third-degree by a visibly distressed Aunty I. I was hobbling up and down, all dressed up but unwilling to go to work. MadCat got a lot of sympathy (along with more fish); the poor crows got an equal amount of hate. Finally... S.K., in her nightie and bare-foot discovered the babies hidden behind some plates of glass on the terrace!

"B" Block heaved a collective sigh of relief. The day was saved and kittens re-united with crazy-ass mother. With a smile on my face, I went off to work replaying the events of the morning, thinking - How typically middle-class; How typically Bombay.